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Marital Monday: Talk More Text Less

/ Patricia M / Leave a comment

Do you and your spouse text throughout the day? My husband and I do every now and then. It is usually when I call him and he is unavailable to speak, he will shoot me a quick text to let me know why he couldn’t pick up.  Other than that we don’t usually exchange texts back and forth.

However, there are some couples that text throughout the day and then in the evening when they are together they barely speak, sitting on opposite sides of the couch with phones in hand.

Communicate!!! Talk!!!! Listen!!!!

I know at times I find us on opposite sides of the couch with phones in hand. And it is a sad sight. What is even worse is if we are in bed and both on our phones, him playing Candy Crush and me checking my site stats. This used to occur but I am proud to say as of late it is rare for us to be sitting in bed on our phones.

Communicate!!! Talk!!! Listen!!!

If you find that in your marriage you are texting more and talking less that is something that needs to change. You and your spouse should make time to just talk. Without children interrupting. Just the two of you.  Turn of the television and just talk. How about you try playing a game. A fun game to play is “2 Truths and a Lie.” Each person takes a turn and makes three statements about themselves, one of which is lie. The other person has to guess which is a lie. Now I am not trying to pull a bunch of skeletons out of your closets. It is just supposed to be fun facts.  You may be married but there should always be things you can learn about one another.  You might be surprised how much you enjoy talking and laughing. Yes laughing, when was the last time you sat and laughed with your spouse? Not because of something on TV, or in the presence of others. Just you two.

 

Communicate!!! Talk!!! Listen!!! Laugh!!!

If you don’t want to play a game just ask each other questions. This book is a good one just ask each other questions and listen to the responses. I hold a Masters in Social Work so asking questions is my thing. However, my husband always says it feel like therapy (but I know he secretly enjoys it, lol).   Whatever you do just make sure you are talking more and texting less.

 

 

~Tricia

The Crumbs

/ Patricia M / 2 Comments

Recently I came across this blog First Fruits or Leftovers? at darbydugger.com. This article is simply asking the question, “Does your husband get your best?”.

The writer asks the following questions:

  • Do I dress up more for the women at Bible study than I do for my husband?
  • Am I more grace-filled with my children or my spouse?
  • Who sees my smile the most: the stranger on the street or the man I share a bed with?
  • The majority of my thoughts, my prayers, my time, and my energy are directed at whom?
  • At the end of the day, do I have time to blog but don’t have time to initiate great sex?

I must admit as I sat here and asked myself these questions and came to the conclusion that my husband is getting my leftovers. For instance, when my husband leaves for work I am in PJs and have just gotten out of bed. After he leaves I get dressed to take the kids to whatever is on the agenda for the day. My outfit is usually a nice top, jeans and boots. However, by the time my husband comes home I am in sweats and totally undone. Why do I get dressed for strangers, yet my husband does not get to enjoy dressed up Tricia? He is totally getting my leftovers.

The smile question, same thing. I am all smiles at the library and play dates but in the evening I am straight faced Ms. Serious Pants. Makes no sense. And I am not even going to talk about that last question…lol.

Instead of thiswpid-2014-10-27-21.27.28.jpg.jpeg

He is getting

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Okay, so it may not be that bad, but you get the point. If I am giving him anything other than my first fruits then it is not fair to him or our marriage. I want his first fruits and not his leftovers so it is only right that I give what I expect to receive. I promise to work on this and update you on how I am doing.

Is your spouse getting your first fruits or leftovers.

~Tricia

The Perfect Gift

/ Patricia M / Leave a comment

My husband gave me the most amazing Christmas present yesterday. A journal. He ordered it shortly before Christmas but it came late.  It was perfect. I think the most perfect gift he has ever given me other than the gift of himself.

The perfect  size and my favorite color. But what makes it even more special is that he personalized it in a very unique and thoughtful way.  On the inside cover he typed out and inserted the following two quotes by Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou.

“If there is a book you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

~ Toni Morrison

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

~ Maya Angelou

On the inside of the back cover he printed out and inserted several encouraging Bible scriptures for writers.

It was so thoughtful and just what I needed.  And he did not just hand it to me, he presented it. He told me how much he appreciates me as a stay at home mom but he knows that there is more for me to do. He said he not only supports me writing but he BELIEVES in me.  You know tears were just coming down my face. 🙂

This meant so much to me coming from him because in the past when I started a blog and would write posts he was not sure how he felt about me sharing things about our marriage or family (it was this post that I had written…lol). Well for me if I am going to blog I want to be honest about things that I am experiencing and use it to inspire and encourage others. This is my therapy So after that I felt a little discouraged and hesitant about sharing things. 

Recently I told him I wanted to start seriously writing and he was totally on board and thought of this perfect gift to show me his support and love.

He means the world to me!

Love Goggles.

/ Patricia M / Leave a comment

My husband and I were recently joking around.  He can tend to be a pessimist at times which he fully acknowledges.  I told him that he never showed that trait until we got married.  He laughed and told me that before we married I just did not see it because I had my “love goggles” on.   I laughed and then thought.  I thought about how many married women (myself included) complain about their husbands changing after saying “I do”.  Have they in fact changed or did we just have our “love goggles” on before we got married?  I think it may be a little of both.

I agree before we married I did have “love goggles” on.  I saw only the best qualities in this wonderful man that I just knew I would be spending the rest of my life with.  I honestly can not remember noticing any irritating qualities in him before that magical day.  However, after that day I noticed that my dear husband tends to think the negative at times, drag out stories, and gets easily distracted by the TV no matter what might be on.  It would be crazy to think that a 38- year old man just started doing these things three years ago.  They had to have been there all the time but I was looking through the “love goggles” and did not notice them.

These goggles distort the image we have of the one we are in love with and hope to spend the rest of our lives with.  We only see the perfect mate that we want to see.  Do not get me wrong.  I love my husband with all of my heart.  He is the love of my life, but he does have qualities that irritate me.  I just do not understand why we chose not to see certain things, that are right in front of us because we are in love.  If they did not irritate me then, why do I allow them to irritate me now?  The answer I came up with is a simple one…. I took off my “love goggles”.  I did not take them off knowingly, there was just a point when they came off.

As young women when we think of our “boyfriend” or “fiance” we see this wonderful man that has the ability to make our hearts flutter and our knees weak.  Then we marry and the fiance is now our husband.  Over time when we think of our “husband” we see this man that sits on the couch and watches TV, a man that comes home from work gives you a quick peck on the lips and simply asks, “whats for dinner?”.  We then get frustrated with this man and complain that he has changed.  I know my husband may not be as romantic as he was when were were dating or during our engagement.  But I did not fall in love with him because of the things he did,  I fell in love with him because of the person he was (which he still is).

So now what?  Well, I plan to pull those “love goggles” out of the drawer, dust them off and put them back on.  I am sure I will still get irritated when he takes too long to get to a point or immediately walks in a room and turns his attention to the TV that may be on. However, I am not going to forget about all of the great things about him that continues to make my heart flutter and my knees weak.  This is the man that chose me to spend the rest of his life with and who I chose to spend the rest of mine.  He is my best friend, the father of my children, my lover, my soul mate, and my husband!

~Tricia