The Crumbs

October 27, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / 2 Comments

Recently I came across this blog First Fruits or Leftovers? at darbydugger.com. This article is simply asking the question, “Does your husband get your best?”.

The writer asks the following questions:

Do I dress up more for the women at Bible study than I do for my husband?
Am I more grace-filled with my children or my spouse?
Who sees my smile the most: the stranger on the street or the man I share a bed with?
The majority of my thoughts, my prayers, my time, and my energy are directed at whom?
At the end of the day, do I have time to blog but don’t have time to initiate great sex?

I must admit as I sat here and asked myself these questions and came to the conclusion that my husband is getting my leftovers. For instance, when my husband leaves for work I am in PJs and have just gotten out of bed. After he leaves I get dressed to take the kids to whatever is on the agenda for the day. My outfit is usually a nice top, jeans and boots. However, by the time my husband comes home I am in sweats and totally undone. Why do I get dressed for strangers, yet my husband does not get to enjoy dressed up Tricia? He is totally getting my leftovers.

The smile question, same thing. I am all smiles at the library and play dates but in the evening I am straight faced Ms. Serious Pants. Makes no sense. And I am not even going to talk about that last question…lol.

Instead of this

He is getting

Okay, so it may not be that bad, but you get the point. If I am giving him anything other than my first fruits then it is not fair to him or our marriage. I want his first fruits and not his leftovers so it is only right that I give what I expect to receive. I promise to work on this and update you on how I am doing.

Is your spouse getting your first fruits or leftovers.

~Tricia

Is Your Bed Made!?!

October 18, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

Why is it that you don’t make your bed? That is probably the first chore that you get as a youngster, yet as an adult you find that there are entire days where your bed looks like the one in the top left corner of this picture. It was about 12:30 when I took that picture. I walked in my room and looked at the bed and was confused as to why I wanted my room to look this way. When my husband comes home form work is this what would make him feel relaxed after a long day? No!

So I made my bed. It took all of 5 minutes. Look how much better it looks. Is your bed made? If not and your are home stop reading this post and go make it. I’ll wait………………….. now don’t you feel better? 🙂

~Tricia

Ms. Margaret

October 16, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

In early 2013 we had a yard sale. I guess since we had just moved in about 6 months prior neighbors thought it would be a good time to check us out. One of those neighbors was Ms. Margaret (i changed her name for privacy purposes). Ms. Margaret is an older women in her late 70’s. She introduced herself and told us that she was widowed. She also said that at times she is lonely. My heart always breaks when I see older people alone.

Over the past year I kept telling my husband that I wanted to take the kids by her home and say hi. I figured that these two smiley faces would brighten anybody’s day. So a couple months ago I went by and reintroduced myself and my two little ones. She seemed genuinely happy and pleasantly surprised.

Ms. Margaret went on to tell me about the neighbors she liked and didn’t like. She asked about my family and told me about hers. She said she designed the plans for her home when it was built and couldn’t see herself leaving.

She just wanted to chat. So I let her.

Today the kids and I went and took her this plant pictured above. Again she was surprised and welcomed us in her home. The living room was a little cluttered with papers and knick-knacks but very warm. The kids and I sat down and and she got up and went in the other room to get something. When Ms. Margaret returned she had a few old toys that she gave to my kids. I told her that she didn’t have to give them anything, that we simply wanted to give her the plant. She insisted. At this point my kids are wondering around her living room fighting back the temptation to touch. Of course they spotted the little candy dish that you can find in the home of most older people. I allowed them to each have a soft mint which made their day.

Ms. Margaret told me how she has been running around because both of her children recently had hip surgery’s. Then she told me to guess her age. I undershot on purpose so not to offend her. She chuckled at my answer and said she was about to be 80.

Then she said, “Not bad for an old woman like me, huh.”

I acted shocked at her age and asked if she had any big birthday plans. She said her kids would probably take her out to dinner. Then she mentioned how much she likes the banana nut muffins at Perkins. I took a mental note. Again Ms. Margaret just wanted to chat. She went from the repairs that she was about to have done on her home to how she has gone up to city hall to get more street lamps on our street.

I politely said we had to go but wanted to make sure she had my phone number in case she needed anything. Ms. Margaret was gracious and gave me hers. The kids thanked her again for the toys and said bye. I like to think we made her day.

Do you have any older neighbors? If so, just take the time to say hi and perhaps listen to them chat. I have always enjoyed sitting and talking to my elders. I have lost my grandparents and I would give anything just to hear their voices again. If yours are still living then give them a call or drop by and spend time. If you were older and alone I am sure you would like someone to spend a little time with you.

~Tricia

Tasty Tuesday: Meatloaf

October 14, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

Who remembers this clip from A Christmas Story?

This clip is is one of my favorites! Although he does not like meatloaf, I sure do. So for this week here is a meatloaf recipe. I found this recipe on Allrecipes.com. I used it as a guide and then did my own thing. To know me is to know I don’t always measure and I like to make recipes my own adding special touches here and there. Here is the original recipe.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds ground beef

1 egg

1 onion, chopped

1 cup milk

1 cup dried bread crumbs

salt and pepper to taste

2 tablespoons brown sugar

2 tablespoons prepared mustard

1/3 cup ketchup

Here are some things I did different

Used 2 lbs of Ground beef
Instead of bread crumbs I used instant oatmeal flakes.
I added shredded zucchini and mushrooms
Used some BBQ sauce along with ketchup in the meatloaf and brushed some on top
Did not use any brown sugar or mustard
Added some season salt
Sprinkled some parsley flakes on top.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
In a large bowl, combine the beef, egg, onion, milk and bread OR cracker crumbs. Season with salt and pepper to taste and place in a lightly greased 5×9 inch loaf pan, OR form into a loaf and place in a lightly greased 9×13 inch baking dish.
In a separate small bowl, combine the brown sugar, mustard and ketchup. Mix well and pour over the meatloaf.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 1 hour.

Great thing about meatloaf is that it is something you can easily make your own. I have used all sorts of veggies in meatloaf at times and even used beans once. Look in your fridge see what you have and just make it how you like. Enjoy

~Tricia

Marital Monday: Take Notes

October 13, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

I enjoy observing older couples or couples married for years. I have been married for 5 years so I feel there is always something to learn about marriage. The following two situations are ones that I have recently observed and took mental notes on.

Situation 1:

A few years ago my cousin got married in Florida. My husband and I flew down to attend and my mother flew down as well. It is very rare for my parents not to travel together. Usually when you see one, you see the other. They have been married for 42 years now and that is just the way it has always been.

My mother stayed with us for the two nights. At one point while we were sitting watching TV on the first night she got up and said she was going to get an orange. She got her orange, peeled it and then offered half to my husband and I. Both of us declined and she just stood there for a minute then she sighed and said,

“I miss your father, he always eats the other half of the orange.”

I was very moved by this so I took a mental note. I noted her sincerity, her love, and her appreciation for her husband in his absence. You could really see that she missed him. That is the kind of love I am looking to have as my marriage grows. I thought it was sweet.

I look forward to sharing fruit with my husband, I just have to figure out which one because he is not a fan of oranges.

Situation 2:

The other week while I was waiting for my car to get an oil change there was another woman waiting also. She was an older woman just sitting doing a crossword puzzle. Then her phone rang and this is the gist of the conversation I heard.

“Hey Baby…..just waiting for the car to get done…..I am going to make some matzo balls and chicken for you and leave it on the counter…..I love too….bye honey.”

After she hung up I told her that sounded good (I have a thing for matzo balls, in case you didn’t pick up on that in Check Please). She smiled and told me that she didn’t like it but her husband loves when she makes that dish. I don’t know if I felt inspired or encouraged, but it was something. You can tell they have been married for a while so I decided to take a mental note. I noted her confidence, her usage of endearing terms and her voice level while speaking to her husband. It was obvious that the spark is still there between them just by overhearing her verbal communication.

So next time you see a more seasoned couple take mental notes keeping in mind that no marriage is perfect and what works for one couple may not work for another. Just use what you observe as a guide. Years from now you never now what young couple might be observing your marriage and taking mental notes.

~Tricia

Check Please!

October 8, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / 1 Comment

I knew we should have just stayed in and ate leftovers and ordered the kids matzo ball soup from the diner.

As I am starting this post we are on our way home from Ruby Tuesdays. My husband is driving and I just heard him asked,

“Why is it that both of you have no shoes and socks on? ”

It’s been that kind of a night. Now my 4 year old son feels he needs a blanket. My only thought at this moment is that I so deserved that $6.00 strawberry margarita I just had.

Let’s rewind shall we.

(Note: My son refused to take a nap today. Not good.)

So we decided to go to Ruby Tuesdays. I knew the night was headed for a rough start when the waitress brought us our drink and said (very nonchalantly) that they ran out of lids for the kids cups. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, do you think this is going to end well? That’s what I get for no longer taking their juice cups everywhere we go.

So my son had the mini burgers and I ordered soup for my daughter to break up some congestion I was hearing. And yes, I took her to the Dr. earlier in the day. Anyway my son makes the decision to eat his mini burgers by the halves, continuously choking from putting to much in his mouth. My daughter (who is fully capable of eating soup by herself even though she is just 2) refuses to feed herself and only wants Daddy to feed her, only to complain that it is too hot when it might be lukewarm if that. However, she will dip some fries in her soup and eat them. These kids are in rare form tonight. At one point my husband even has to remove our son from the table to have little chat.

I know you all are wondering about the juices. The apple juices are sitting in the middle of the table out of reach because remember there are no lids and they are filled to the rim. When the kids want a sip either my husband or myself have to hold it so they don’t spill it. Things are actually going well with their drinks. Surprisingly.

Then as we are finishing up my husband is holding the cup so my daughter can drink out if it, I guess she decides she wants to hold the juice her self and
squeezes it causing this to happen (look to the right). She punctures the cup and juice spills out everywhere. Then this girl has the nerve to be a little upset because her arm is now wet from the juice.

My son is now like this (look left) which is how he chooses to spend the remaining time at the table. Mind you he is wide awake, looking at other patrons.

I see our waitress and all I can say is, “Check please!”

~Tricia

Marital Mondays: Has Your Spouse Become Your Friend? Part 2

October 6, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / 1 Comment

So after reading the previous post (Has Your Spouse Become Your Friend? Pt 1) you realize that you and your spouse are headed towards the friend zone. You are wondering how this has happened, and what you can do to stop it. It’s not to late. As I said earlier, if you both still have that burning desire for one another than you can get back to where you once were.

First change your expectations. Expect more from one another. You had high expectations before you got married so why have they changed. Expect to spend time together. Expect to communicate with one another. Expect your spouse to be your emotional support. When you begin to expect less in a marriage you will get less.

I know that life gets in the way. You go to work all day or if you are a stay at home mom like me you are home all day with the kids, and both can be very draining. When you come together with your spouse in the evening you are both exhausted. You eat, play, and put the kids to bed. Now your both tired and want to relax. He wants to watch Monday night football or the DIY channel and she wants to catch up on her favorite housewives and the Wendy Williams shows that are on the DVR. So you retire to different areas in the home. Gone are the days where you are both cuddled on the couch together under a blanket watching a movie.

GET BACK TO THAT!!!!!! Designate a day of the week for a movie night. Whatever day works best for the two of you. You might even want put the kids to bed a little earlier on that night. Pick out the movie in advance (you don’t want to spend time that night deciding what the movie will be) all you are interested in is getting to the couch to cuddle up. Also, set a time to meet on the couch. That will make it feel even more like a date. Just because you are married does not mean that dating stops.

Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Talk to each other. Continue to be interested in each others hopes and dreams. Sending a text or an email during the day also goes a long way. When I see I have an email from my husband I drop what I am doing to read it because that is not something that happens often and it brings me back to when we first met. We met blindly (via phone) through a mutual friend. We lived in different states and communicated over the phone and through email for a month before we physically met. When I get an email from him it takes me back to that time. I have all of our emails saved and where they once filled my inbox, over the past 5 years they have become few and far between so when I do get one it makes me smile. So send something to let your spouse know you are thinking of them. Even if it is just “Hi Babe, I love you.”

Now for the good stuff…lol.

How does that Oliva Newton-John song go?

“Let’s get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let’s get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk”

I know, I know I am showing my age, lol. But seriously, we are talking about your spouse. Your helpmate. The love of your life. GET PHYSICAL!

Every now and then my husband and I get into that routine of the 4 pecks. What is that you ask? It is when you can predict those 4 kisses you get during the day.

When you leave each other in the morning
When you come back together in the evening
One random one, perhaps after dinner
When you say goodnight

You’re sitting there counting in your head the amount of times you and your spouse kiss during the day aren’t you? You can admit it, it is 4 isn’t it? And they are not even real kisses, they are just quick pecks. Now that you realize you are in the routine of the 4 pecks, fix it. How about turning at least one of those pecks into a deeper more passionate kiss. Don’t be shy. Have fun with it.

Another thing you can do is try committing do doing something intimate everyday for 7 days. Remember this list from Part 1?

Holding hands
Sweet talk
Kissing
Cuddling
Fondling
Having sex

It doesn’t have to be making love every night but hey if you can do it, go for it, lol. Just something intimate and passionate. It is important to take and make the time to be intimate with one another in a marriage.I know it may not always be easy. Some of you may even have kids in your bed. We have been there. Get creative you have other rooms in your home dont you? Use your imagination! And eventually GET YOUR BED BACK. If you want a laugh read my Empty Bed Syndrome post.

So as I conclude this post, think about what you read. If you feel like you can relate to these posts, share them with your spouse. Remember to communicate. It’s time for you to stop being friends and start being spouses.

~Tricia

Featured

Marital Monday: Has Your Spouse Become Your Friend?

Featured / Patricia M / 1 Comment

Recently I heard a woman say that it seemed like her marriage was in a rut and she and her husband have become just friends. To me this is no good. Should you BE friends with your spouse? Of course! Should you BECOME friends with your spouse? No! In relationships, the one thing that neither party wants to hear from the other is the that dreaded 7 words, “I think we should just be friends”. Marriage is no different. Becoming friends with your spouse is a step back.

The Shift

Friendship is what should start the relationship. It is the foundation. As cliché as it sounds, you should be friends first. The key word being first. As a friendship both parties may begin to develop romantic feelings or a “spark” may start to evolve. These feelings cause a shift in expectations as well as behaviors.

Expectations

Once you have decided to be “more than friends” your expectations should change. You should begin to expect more from one another in some of the following ways:

Communication
Emotional Support
Time spent together
Familial involvement

Behaviors

On to behaviors. After you have evolved into a relationship your behaviors towards one another also evolve. You have verbally expressed your feelings through sharing your expectations and you now have the desire to express your feelings in other ways. Affection and intimacy is now being added by engaging in any of the following:

Holding hands
Sweet talk
Kissing
Cuddling
Fondling
Having sex

Note: I am not saying that when moving a relationship beyond just friends you must do all the above. I am saying that affection and intimacy may be expressed through any of the above.

These things don’t typically occur when just friends.

Friend zone = Danger zone

So let’s get back to becoming friends with your spouse. Do you see how becoming friends with your spouse is a dangerous place to be? I just listed ways that a friendship may change when you just take things to the next level. Marriage is the ultimate level of a relationship and requires the largest commitment of all the things listed and much much more. At this point you are married and definitely should be engaging in all of the above. If you feel that you and your spouse are back in the friend zone that means your exceptions of what you require from one another has decreased and the affection and intimacy (or “spark”) is diminishing. When you require less at some point you begin to care less and that is a dangerous place for spouses to be.

What now?

So where do you go from here? Well I don’t believe it is too late as long as both parties have the desire and passion to get out of the friend zone. In most cases it was not consciously decided to go from spouses to friends. Life happened. Children, work, or other responsibilities took priority over your relationship with one another.

Next week for the Marital Monday feature I will share some ideas I came up with of how to get your marriage out of the friend zone.

Stay tuned

update: Here is Has Your Spouse Become Your Friend? pt 2

~Tricia

Never Think You Can’t

May 28, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

In 2010 while pregnant with our first child I told my husband that I was interested in getting a prenatal massage. I researched prenatal massages and became familiar with the modifications that needed to be made. When I phoned the spa to book my appointment the woman assured me that they had a masseuse that was skilled in providing massages for pregnant women, her name was Denise.

When I arrived at the spa I was greeted by a friendly receptionist and directed to the locker room and waiting area. I went early purposely so that I would have time to enjoy lounging in the comfortable robe, drinking the refreshing lemon water served in a wine glass while listening to the relaxing soundscapes in the waiting area. I was totally unaware that my outlook on myself and life would be changing in a matter of minutes.

“Patricia.” I heard a soft voice say. I looked up and saw a very attractive young woman in her early 20’s.

“I am Denise, I will be giving you your massage today.” We said our hellos and exchanged warm smiles.

I followed her to a room where she had me lay down on the table. It was then that I realized that she only had three fingers on her right hand. I know some people in that situation may have felt a bit uneasy but I had the exact opposite feeling. I was very comfortable. I wanted to know more about her. I do not know many individuals that would be able to overcome an obstacle like she had by doing what she was doing. Her job was working with her hands and one of which was badly disfigured.

As I closed my eyes to enjoy the serenity of the next fifty minutes I began to think about my own purpose in life. I had just celebrated my one year anniversary and expecting our first child. After getting married and relocating to a different state I was unsuccessful finding employment doing what I loved, which was working with students. Then once we discovered we were expecting our first child my husband and I decided that it would be great for me to be a stay at home mom.

I became so involved with my role of being a wife and impending motherhood that I was no longer doing things for me. I lost my passion for things I was once interested in and very good at might I say. By losing focus of my interests and neglecting to foster my talents I know longer had the confidence in myself that I once had. I have always enjoyed journaling and writing stories, but I no longer took the time to do so. When I would come across something inspiring that propelled the urge to write I would dismiss it because I no longer felt that I was good at it.

As those fifty minutes were slowly going by I was thinking of what Denise had inside her that motivated and inspired her spirit to choose a career that many would not think she would be able to do. What was her drive that allowed her to push past the naysayers and achieve her goal of being a masseuse? There was something that she had that I wanted. I wanted to believe in myself the way she believed in herself. Instead of being envious of this young woman I was inspired by her. Along with being a wife and a mother I wanted to do things that I enjoyed doing.

How dare I ever say that I am not good enough to accomplish a goal I wish to achieve! How dare YOU ever say that again about yourself! When you do think about Denise.

When I was pregnant with my daughter I went back to get a massage from that same spa and requested Denise. The woman told me that Denise was no longer there because she was given a greater opportunity somewhere else. I was happy for her while disappointed that I could not tell her how she inspired me. I will never forget those fifty minutes and how they changed my life forever.

What My Mom Loves Most About Me.

May 12, 2014August 10, 2020 / Patricia M / Leave a comment

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. It was also exactly 2 months since my last post. For the past 2 months I took a break from writing. It did not start out as a break but that is what it turned into. It was as if I was waiting for something big to happen before I could start writing again. At times I even found myself setting dates that I would write a post. I would say things to myself like “I will start writing when Lent is over.” or “I will write a post on the first of the month.” But I didn’t. Those days would just come and go and I would not write a thing.

Then yesterday happened. I was reading a magazine in the car while waiting for my husband to pick up some pizza.

Yes. Pizza. On. Mother’s Day…….DON’T JUDGE ME…lol.

So I was reading the magazine when I came across an article titled 5 things you should know about your mom (in case you were wondering, all the words were lowercase). These were the five things the article stated we should know about our mothers:

What she loves most about you
That her marriage isn’t perfect
Her Achilles’ heel
Her health history
How other people see her

These were the things I knew:

Being married myself I know that no marriage is perfect.
My mother’s weakness is her grandchildren (in the sense of she would do anything for them, but she describes them as her strength).
I constantly inquire (I am sure she would say I constantly over inquire) about her health.
And, I know how other people see her. They see her has funny, open, and loving.

I knew all of these things about my mother. However, I did not know what she loves most about me. Please do not misunderstand, I know she loves things about me but I realized I did not know what she loves most. So, I called her and asked.

When she answered the phone I said, “Mom I am reading a magazine about 5 things you should know about your mom, but I do not know the first thing.” She asked what the question was and I asked, “What do you love most about me?” Without hesitation she answered, “Your creative writing skills.”

It doesn’t get any deeper than that for me. For all the many things she could have said (notice the word many…lol) what she loved most had to do with my writing.

Family Music Night

Here I was taking a break from the very thing that my own mother loves most about me. It totally encouraged me to get back on here and write. Then in the mail today I received a copy of a magazine with a published piece I wrote and even received payment for. It is a small piece, but it is a published piece. It was such a confirmation.

I hope this post motivated and encouraged you to keep doing what you love doing, because it just might be what someone else loves most about you!

~Tricia